“There are so many lost souls here.”

I was digging for my social security card when it happened. I found it, in an old purse. The letter from my brother.

You see, I did my taxes today, 4/4, just shy of when they are due, per the usual. But I couldn’t find my school tax form and because they sent it to me, I can’t just reprint it. No. I have to fill out this form in addition to a copy of my social security card, they need a photo ID, blah blah blah. Fine, no problem.

But I didn’t know where my social security card was, so I started digging.

But the letter, oh the letter. Immediately I knew what it was, that it was one of the more recent ones, that it would tear my heart open in the best way. When Andy was good, God, he was the absolute best. You’ve never seen a bigger, whiter smile or felt a more loving hug. And I knew this letter would be just that.

I will always remember you this way!

The absolute freaking best.

Sure, there are some complaints in there, but that was just Andy’s way.

The thing is, I just thought about him on my way home from my errands and taxes, no more than 30 minutes ago. Not that it’s anything new. He is on my mind all the time.

I’m just missing him, or I am thinking of all the could have’s, but today, I was thinking about my need to heal. I haven’t even tried and truth be told, I haven’t looked at one text from Andy, I haven’t listened to one saved voicemail, though I have several, I’m sure. I threw out every one of his letters too, post-divorce. So this one was truly an answered prayer.

I was praying about it in the car. Praying for strength and to have a peace with God’s plan. But it was a rough prayer sesh for me, I was sad and feeling like I didn’t do enough. And then, the letter.

“I have to thank you again for everything; your support through my whole messed up adult life has been more beneficial to me than you may ever know. And the thought of your support and kind words and thoughts help me on a daily basis.” His words, to me.

I am crying reading them again, typing them. Thank you for your words, Andrew, right when I needed them.

He read a lot, too, back then. He liked the Buddhist way and would teach me through his words. He told me he was reading his usual “Buddhism Liturgy” and a lot of self-help books, even though they are corny. He quoted “to appreciate the idea that the values of the world we inhabit and the people we surround ourselves with have a profound effect on who we are.”

He said he liked it. That he wanted to “stay busy” and “surround himself with positive people no matter what.” That, too, is super hard to read and type. God, I miss you.

(Talking of prison life) he wrote that, “Another quote which I liked but cannot find goes something like, “Either teach them or learn to bear them,” by Marcus Aurelius.

He also talked of being denied a visit from my Dad due to a new metal plate in his knee. He called it ‘bogus’ in his very Andy-like way and said he hoped Dad was coming home from up north and that he hadn’t wasted the drive. He talked about the weather, and urged me forward with work saying “Best wishes with all of your work endeavors, I hope you can sustain yourself doing what you enjoy.”

He said he wished to do some volunteer work, that it would make him feel good to help people.

He closed with that shoutout to me that I shared at the beginning. I am still crying writing this, it goes between happy and sad tears, and a gratefulness that I found this letter, which I will forever cherish.

That’s all for now. If you’ve gotten this far, thanks for reading. This hasn’t been edited and I’m about to post it. This is as raw and real as it gets, haha.

God bless you XOXO

Scripture Sunday: Take Today (And Every Sunday) To Rest

In a past bible study, our group talked about Sabbath and how important it is to take Sundays off. This is to be the day of God, rest, family, and friends.

But is that what we do? Do we take this day for God and our people? Or is it our only day off and so we squeeze everything into this day?

For most of us, we prepare for the next week on Sundays. We meal prep, schedule our life, and clean the house. We take kids to this sport, that sport, birthday parties, and play dates. We work and run errands.

Sunday has become the busiest day of the week and not the rest day that He wants for us.

Observe the Sabbath day by keeping it holy, as the Lord your God has commanded you. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a sabbath to the Lord your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your male or female servant, nor your ox, your donkey or any of your animals, nor any foreigner residing in your towns, so that your male and female servants may rest, as you do.

Deuteronomy 5:12-14

I work a 4 days on/2 days off schedule, so work on Sundays is a part of my life.

But a couple of weeks ago, I really prayed on this. I asked God to show me a way to not work on Sundays, to rest, to have time for my people, and Him.

Ask and you shall receive. study-862994__340

Work was very slow for one of my working weekends, I literally did not have any work come into my bin. So that Sunday was freed up for what He wanted me to be doing, resting.

Last weekend was a scheduled weekend off for me, so more rest on Sunday. (And if you saw my Facebook/Instagram post, I completely unlpugged last Sunday, for the whole day. No phone. It was great.)

And now this Sunday is an editing holiday for me. What should have been my “Day 1” is now a day off.

Now, I’m not saying every Sunday I won’t work. And this last Sunday I did spend about 30 minutes at the end of my day thinking, and planning for the next week. But I also rested and stayed 100% present in the day.

I went to church. I cuddled kiddos. I spent time talking with my BFF. And you should find a way to do this, too.

So for this Easter Sunday, do what you can to slow down. Pray extra and rest. Praise God and go to church. After all, it’s Easter and you never know what miracles may come of it.

If you’re reading this, I want to pray for you.

Dear God, Thank You for Your word. All we have to do is read the bible to see all that You have for us. Thank You for giving us a day of rest and urging us to take it. Thank You for giving us a day for You, us, and our family and friends. We are so thankful for You! In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Happy Easter Sunday friends=)