2019: The Year That Should Have Broke Me

I just refused to let it.
I thought this would be my best year yet.
I started out 2019 traveling the US with my husband, a dream we had made a reality. When our marriage fell apart in early March, I shared about my separation and pending divorce. And as if that weren’t heart-wrenching enough for one year..
I didn’t share that my younger, older brother, was released from prison for maybe the fifth time..? I’ve honestly lost count. (And well hoping for the best, I prayed not to have to live through the worst, again.)
I didn’t share that I had a friendship-ending falling out with my “forever” best friend of 20 years in April.
Or that my step-dad was diagnosed with cancer just before Father’s day.
Or they my mom was diagnosed with cancer in August.
These things shattered my world, one by one, seemingly again and again.
So I did what I do, and I cried. I cried the tears and I felt the feels.
Then, I pulled myself together, and found strength through it all.
I cannot say the whole year was a bust. That brother I talked about is the strongest, most resilient version of himself that I have ever known, and we are closer than ever.
And that friendship I lost in April was superseded by meeting, online and then in person, the most faith-filled, beautiful inside and out, loving and caring girl that I have ever met in my entire life the month before that, and I joyously call her best friend.
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My parents are still not 100%, but are both cancer-free, praise God!
And while I don’t know where I want to live or what I want to do with my life entirely, I completed training for my new career in September and have been a flight attendant ever since, a job that I love even more than I thought I would.
In 2019, I kept select people close and I kept God closer. I put my life 100% into His hands, like never before.
I was scared and felt lost, had no idea where to live, what to do, how to feel..or how to do it all earlier this year. So I let go, and I let God.
This isn’t some miraculous turn around story and I can honestly say I’m SO happy this year is almost over.
I can also say that my work life is pretty fantastic but the rest of my life is still messy, and it still hurts.
My parents are on the mend, and I’m beyond thankful for that. My ex BFF and I have completely severed ties but I know that the people I do have in my corner are my people, my family, and my heart. I’m so blessed to have them.
And no matter what, I choose happy everyday. I choose laughing and making new IMG_20191128_130023memories to crying and replaying old ones. I choose joy and excited anticipation for the future.
I know next year won’t be perfect, and I have no false hope about creating a life without ups and downs. But at the end of this year, I find myself with a new sense of calm, a reclaimed joy, and the ability to fully-focus on the good, beautiful, and abundant blessings around me.
I didn’t write this as a pity post, or to brag on how I came out on the other side but yet to share this very real and very raw side of me as this year comes to a close. We all struggle, and we all go through hard things, whether we talk about them, or not.
If you want to share or talk through anything, please reach out to me. I will be more than happy to listen, and show you love, to pray, and be an ear for you to talk to.
And please, give yourself to God, so that He can guide you. I promise you, you can get through the hard stuff. Always believe and stay full of faith, and happy almost 2020 friends=)

Scripture Sunday: What Does Your Spiritual Life Look Like For 2019?

Good morning friends!

It’s almost the last day of the year and as hard as it is to believe, I’m so ready for it! 2018 was a year, and I am glad not to have to live it again. There were lots of laughs, but also some rough times to be had. There was growth, and a lot of self reflection. But overall, bye 2018 and hello 2019!

There are lots of things I want for 2019 and more God, more prayers, and more of the Word are at the top of my want list. And this is how I’m going to do it.

  • Flip calendar daily with scriptures and devotionals
  • Bible app
  • Stories of the Bible
  • Cindee devotionals
  • Finish and use my flip book!

I look forward to what 2019 has for me. I look forward to new and exciting work opportunities. I look forward to continued travels with my Hubby. I cannot wait for new experiences, new views, and new insights. And I cannot wait to grow closer and stronger in my relationship with God.

Do you have any tips for me, for more God in my life? What does your spiritual time with Him look like?

If you’re reading this, I just want to pray for you.

Dear God, We all need to come to You more, dig into the Word, and live spiritually and not naturally.  Don’t let us forget that! We are so lucky to have You there for us whenever we need You. Thank You for Your plan for our lives. Thank You for Your patience with us and for all of Your promises. Please speak to us this year, so loud that we cannot NOT hear You. Please continue to guide us and remind us to be patient and trust in You. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

And thank you to all of my readers and supporters! Have a beautiful and blessed end of 2018 and Happy 2019!