It’s been a little heavy around here to switch to such a light topic, but such is life for me=) My schedule is much different this year than the past two, and even on my earliest day I’m able to sleep in, which is all of 7 a.m. for me, but I’ll take what I can get.
And I’ve been wanting a morning routine for a while. Do you have one?
For me, I knew it would have to be short and sweet, to make it work. And also, immediately after waking up. So that’s exactly what I’ve made. It’s been about a week with my new morning routine and it’s the best start to my day.
The first thing I do when I wake up is reach for my phone. I mean, who doesn’t? But this is the kicker, I click on my Bible app first. There is a verse, a prayer, and an inspiration. It’s a several sentence read that is quick but powerful.
From there, I list off and pray about several things I am grateful for, as many as I have on my mind. And lastly, I pray that I accomplish all He wants me to that day.
Waking up like this has been a great start and so quick there is no excuse not to make it happen. I’m thinking of adding to it and am always up for adjustments, but already I’m a fan.
Do you have a morning routine? How long is it and what are you favorite ways to start your day?
My Monday was full of studying, work, a little cleaning and rest from the gym, and my morning routine first thing. Have a great week! XOXO
I was digging for my social security card when it happened. I found it, in an old purse. The letter from my brother.
You see, I did my taxes today, 4/4, just shy of when they are due, per the usual. But I couldn’t find my school tax form and because they sent it to me, I can’t just reprint it. No. I have to fill out this form in addition to a copy of my social security card, they need a photo ID, blah blah blah. Fine, no problem.
But I didn’t know where my social security card was, so I started digging.
But the letter, oh the letter. Immediately I knew what it was, that it was one of the more recent ones, that it would tear my heart open in the best way. When Andy was good, God, he was the absolute best. You’ve never seen a bigger, whiter smile or felt a more loving hug. And I knew this letter would be just that.
The absolute freaking best.
Sure, there are some complaints in there, but that was just Andy’s way.
The thing is, I just thought about him on my way home from my errands and taxes, no more than 30 minutes ago. Not that it’s anything new. He is on my mind all the time.
I’m just missing him, or I am thinking of all the could have’s, but today, I was thinking about my need to heal. I haven’t even tried and truth be told, I haven’t looked at one text from Andy, I haven’t listened to one saved voicemail, though I have several, I’m sure. I threw out every one of his letters too, post-divorce. So this one was truly an answered prayer.
I was praying about it in the car. Praying for strength and to have a peace with God’s plan. But it was a rough prayer sesh for me, I was sad and feeling like I didn’t do enough. And then, the letter.
“I have to thank you again for everything; your support through my whole messed up adult life has been more beneficial to me than you may ever know. And the thought of your support and kind words and thoughts help me on a daily basis.” His words, to me.
I am crying reading them again, typing them. Thank you for your words, Andrew, right when I needed them.
He read a lot, too, back then. He liked the Buddhist way and would teach me through his words. He told me he was reading his usual “Buddhism Liturgy” and a lot of self-help books, even though they are corny. He quoted “to appreciate the idea that the values of the world we inhabit and the people we surround ourselves with have a profound effect on who we are.”
He said he liked it. That he wanted to “stay busy” and “surround himself with positive people no matter what.” That, too, is super hard to read and type. God, I miss you.
(Talking of prison life) he wrote that, “Another quote which I liked but cannot find goes something like, “Either teach them or learn to bear them,” by Marcus Aurelius.
He also talked of being denied a visit from my Dad due to a new metal plate in his knee. He called it ‘bogus’ in his very Andy-like way and said he hoped Dad was coming home from up north and that he hadn’t wasted the drive. He talked about the weather, and urged me forward with work saying “Best wishes with all of your work endeavors, I hope you can sustain yourself doing what you enjoy.”
He said he wished to do some volunteer work, that it would make him feel good to help people.
He closed with that shoutout to me that I shared at the beginning. I am still crying writing this, it goes between happy and sad tears, and a gratefulness that I found this letter, which I will forever cherish.
That’s all for now. If you’ve gotten this far, thanks for reading. This hasn’t been edited and I’m about to post it. This is as raw and real as it gets, haha.
I started out 2019 traveling the US with my husband, a dream we had made a reality. When our marriage fell apart in early March, I shared about my separation and pending divorce. And as if that weren’t heart-wrenching enough for one year..
I didn’t share that my younger, older brother, was released from prison for maybe the fifth time..? I’ve honestly lost count. (And well hoping for the best, I prayed not to have to live through the worst, again.)
I didn’t share that I had a friendship-ending falling out with my “forever” best friend of 20 years in April.
Or that my step-dad was diagnosed with cancer just before Father’s day.
Or they my mom was diagnosed with cancer in August.
These things shattered my world, one by one, seemingly again and again.
So I did what I do, and I cried. I cried the tears and I felt the feels.
Then, I pulled myself together, and found strength through it all.
I cannot say the whole year was a bust. That brother I talked about is the strongest, most resilient version of himself that I have ever known, and we are closer than ever.
And that friendship I lost in April was superseded by meeting, online and then in person, the most faith-filled, beautiful inside and out, loving and caring girl that I have ever met in my entire life the month before that, and I joyously call her best friend.
My parents are still not 100%, but are both cancer-free, praise God!
And while I don’t know where I want to live or what I want to do with my life entirely, I completed training for my new career in September and have been a flight attendant ever since, a job that I love even more than I thought I would.
In 2019, I kept select people close and I kept God closer. I put my life 100% into His hands, like never before.
I was scared and felt lost, had no idea where to live, what to do, how to feel..or how to do it all earlier this year. So I let go, and I let God.
This isn’t some miraculous turn around story and I can honestly say I’m SO happy this year is almost over.
I can also say that my work life is pretty fantastic but the rest of my life is still messy, and it still hurts.
My parents are on the mend, and I’m beyond thankful for that. My ex BFF and I have completely severed ties but I know that the people I do have in my corner are my people, my family, and my heart. I’m so blessed to have them.
And no matter what, I choose happy everyday. I choose laughing and making new memories to crying and replaying old ones. I choose joy and excited anticipation for the future.
I know next year won’t be perfect, and I have no false hope about creating a life without ups and downs. But at the end of this year, I find myself with a new sense of calm, a reclaimed joy, and the ability to fully-focus on the good, beautiful, and abundant blessings around me.
I didn’t write this as a pity post, or to brag on how I came out on the other side but yet to share this very real and very raw side of me as this year comes to a close. We all struggle, and we all go through hard things, whether we talk about them, or not.
If you want to share or talk through anything, please reach out to me. I will be more than happy to listen, and show you love, to pray, and be an ear for you to talk to.
And please, give yourself to God, so that He can guide you. I promise you, you can get through the hard stuff. Always believe and stay full of faith, and happy almost 2020 friends=)
It’s been on my heart to share my life, but in the midst of the hard stuff, talking about the hard stuff, well, that’s the hardest stuff of all.
But when you truly feel a calling to do something, you cannot get away from it.
You can push it away, you can think yourself out of it, you can “wait” until you’re past the hard part to talk about it… if you want to.
Or, you can just start talking.
I haven’t been talking too much, but then again, maybe just enough. I’ve shared about my separation and divorce, but not the other things that have happened these last 9 or so months.
And, if I’m being really real, my divorce was the least hardest thing I’ve been through this year. I haven’t been very vocal about the rest but instead have tried to share that I’m struggling but still choosing happy, that things are hard, but I’m making them happen anyway, and that just because your life is a wreck, doesn’t mean you have to be.
It’s not here that I’ve shared things, but on my Facebook page and on Instagram. It’s not daily posts or anything, but really real, really heartfelt truths that I feel truly led to share.
And then, when I do, someone will pm me or dm me, they will ask a seemingly unrelated question to which I answer with something so raw, I think it couldn’t possibly be what they meant, what they wanted to hear, or what they needed. But it is.
It turns out it’s EXACTLY what they wanted from me. The whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Their truth is that they want to hear my truth. They want to know what is happening with me and how the fuck (sorry for the language) I’m getting through it. Much less smiling, much less LIVING.
I miss blogging. I miss sharing my life. But I don’t miss that I was only sharing a part of my life. It was only the part of life I wanted to share. The happy stuff, the fun stuff, the smiles and the trips and the special occasions. It wasn’t all of it.
And this will not turn into a negative or ranting space, but it will be the realest me yet. Because I am not who I was when I started this blog, I’m not even who I was at the beginning of this year, and I am NEVER going to let me get away again.
I will still share food and fun, I will still share my faith, but I will also share my struggles, the hard stuff, the stuff I just know you want to hear. And I know it’s what you want to hear, what you need to hear..
Because you keep telling me.
PS you can find and follow me on media if you want to:
Facebook: Emily Ann Instagram: iwantwellness.co
Also, Happy Thanksgiving! Remember all you have to be thankful for!!!